Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Personalities pt 1

I received several comments to the article on Deception. A friend told me that the article was a little too honest! I guess thats the whole point - honesty counteracts deception.
After reading Nigel Ring's articles on "Teams that work" and the various personalities, I was interested in finding out more on controlling personalities. In short, this is what I found out:

1. Controllers don't allow you to be yourself. They'd like to influence your behaviour.
2. They are moody and can use temper and bullying to get their way. In their minds, you are challenging their authority over you when you either disagree with them or don't comply to their wishes.
3. They assume that they understand how you think, even when they actually don't.
4. Positive comments or compliments are not sincere. They don't want you to feel good about yourself. They try to control the way you dress, speak and may criticize your opinion. If you are considered to be an attractive/beautiful person, controllers will attempt to attack your physical appearance.
5. They seem incapable of understanding or accepting the word 'no'. They will tend to insist until they wear you down and make you give in.
6. What happens when you want to be yourself and do your own thing? Controllers try to define your reality.
7. How does this person see difficult situations, mutual decision-making or issues of responsibility? Controlling people lack the ability to tolerate or accept differences between the two of you. They are seeking ways to change some part of your core traits or personality, reshaping you. Often they will demean or criticize others as a means of building themselves up and appearing superior and in control.
8. What about your other relationships? What happens to them? Controlling people often try to cause trouble between you and your friends, spreading rumours, attempting to create divisions (divide and conquer) and will tell lies/exaggerations about you to them or about them to you to try and break your attachment/relationship. The ultimate aim is to isolate you from others so that they can have you all to themselves, inside the reality they are trying to weave for you.
9. Controlling people are very manipulative. They will not like it when you try and stand up for yourself. Interestingly, in christian circles, when a woman stands up for herself or says no to something or has a different view point etc, she is considered as being unsubmissive.
10. Stay alert! Controlling relationships can be suffocating and very destructive if not handled well.

To what extent should one person control another, if at all? Read more and find out......

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