Traditional marriages in Kezi

I had such an interesting time on Sunday after the service listening to about 20 people of varying ages - 80 years to 24 years, speak about marriages of yester years. I called both men and women together because I wanted to find out how cultural or traditional marriages were conducted long ago in comparison to how they are today. Culture is dynamic and continually changing so I wanted to give the much older folk an opportunity to share and explain why traditional weddings were so important to them. I was the 'learner' and it really felt great. This is what I discovered........

1. A woman would only get married once she was 20 years and above - not before.
2. Young ladies were afraid to get touched (appropriate touching i.e the young man putting his arm over the young ladies shoulder) before they were married. This was seen as a "no, no" - No zone area.
3. If a young lady liked a young gentleman, she would indicate it to him by giving him a handkerchief a year later and the young man would give her something of worth in return.
4. If the couple felt that they wanted to get married, the young lady would go to her aunt and explain their intentions.
5. If the young lady's family were in agreement, the wedding would take place but if they didn't like the young man, he'd have to break off the relationship and find someone else. No questions were asked.
6. When weddings took place, both the young man and woman were virgins.
7. There were very few churches in the communities so church weddings weren't seen as crucial. A member in the family was chosen and he/she would get the proceedings/ceremony going.
8. Lobola or a dowry was paid first. The woman would then go to the man's home and choose a cow which would be slaughtered at the ceremony and the meat shared by all. If the bride didn't come from the area, some of the meat would be taken to her relatives. If the man was not originally from the community, he wouldn't change his culture in terms of marrying a young lady.
9. Ceremonies were done at the girls house first on one day before the ceremony moved to the man's house. The young lady would then stay at the young man's house.
10. Those marriages that have 'survived' 15 - 35 years or so is mainly because the ladies were told that whether the marriage was tough or nice, whether she was abused verbally, sexually or physically, she HAD to endure it and not tell anyone.
11. They felt that many young couples are not making it because the woman cannot endure hardship. After a domestic dispute, the young lady will go back to her parents and they will take her in.
12. The older folk felt that they liked the way traditional marriages took place because the changes are 'hurting' them in terms of young girls 11, 12 or 13 years becoming sexually active. Girls of 14 or 15 giving birth etc and they seriously disapproved of sex education being taught in schools.

I learnt alot from this discussion and it will be easier to pray into marriages in our community and to see how best to help those who ask for it.